


Damnit, Luthor! No More Magic!

by josephina_x



Category: Smallville
Genre: Backstory What Backstory, Bug People, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dark Magic, Dinosaurs, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Magic, Mishapocalypse, PWP without Porn, Silly, Sillyfic, Time Shenanigans, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 10:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5160383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josephina_x/pseuds/josephina_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luthor needs to stick to the things he's good at. Hell, even the things he's not so good at -- Clark isn't all that picky. Just... <i>anything</i> but magic. Stupid magic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damnit, Luthor! No More Magic!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twinsarein](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinsarein/gifts).



> Title: Damnit, Luthor! No More Magic!  
> Author: [josephina_x](http://josephina-x.livejournal.com)  
> Fandom: Smallville  
> Pairing: Clark/Lex  
> Rating: PG-13 (for cursing)  
> Spoilers: general for the entire series; future-fic  
> Word count: ???+ (uhhh, it's short? *shrugs*)  
> Summary: Luthor needs to stick to the things he's good at. Hell, even the things he's not so good at -- Clark isn't all that picky. Just... _anything_ but magic. Stupid magic.  
>  Warnings: Un-beta'd. Sillyfic. Plot-what-plot? and backstory-what-backstory? apply.  
> Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.  
> Comments: Yes, please! :)  
> Author's Note: Since twins had a bunch of [suggestions for CLFF waves](http://clff.dreamwidth.org/1234.html) recently, I thought that one or two might be a good thing to use for a quickfic :)
> 
> from [100 Best First Lines of Novels](http://www.infoplease.com/ipea/A0934311.html)  
> 58) "Miss Brooke had that kind of beauty which seems to be thrown into relief by bad dress."
> 
> and:  
> "Have a list of time periods, and Clark and Lex need to be inserted into that (so an all AU challenge) It can be American history or world history or do one of each *g*"
> 
> Originally posted to LJ on 2012-02-19 here: [link](http://josephina-x.livejournal.com/16759.html).

~*~*~*~*~*~

Mr. Kent had that kind of beauty which seems to be thrown into relief by bad dress.

Actually _being_ in a bad dress probably didn't help matters, either. The thing barely fit him and Lex wondered when the corset would give out -- or rather, when Superman stopped trying to keep himself from taking a deep breath -- and why yellow didn't quite seem to work properly with his nemesis' otherwise sunnily golden skintone.

"For god's sake, Lex, is this really necessary?" Clark hissed at him under a half-ton of makeup, petticoats rustling dangerously as Lex twirled him across the floor.

"We have to seem to fit in here in sunny Victorian England in order to make it through the night's activities to the socialization part of the evening, and our good Monsieur and Mistress of the Dark Arts will not deign to talk to either of us if we do not seem to be held in good esteem, and we need the spell components to get back home to our own time period -- so yes, we do," Lex smiled winningly right back.

"I still think you would have been a better girl," Clark said grumpily. "You're all willowy and stuff."

Lex ignored that comment, and instead reminded his dance partner to: "Smile, my dear, or they'll think you aren't enjoying yourself."

Clark plastered on a grin just as fake as the one Lex was sporting and fluttered his eyes. "I'll get you for this, Luthor," he said airily through clenched teeth.

"I doubt it," Lex said smoothly back, like a soft caress. His eyes glinted shamelessly at his win.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Damn it Lex!" Clark yelled angrily as they both booked it away from ravenous Velociraptors as fast as they could.

"Heh, I could have sworn the mandrake root was fresh," Lex panted as he managed to keep pace with Clark. Too much magic always wreaked havoc with Superman's powers, and they hadn't been in this time period long enough for the final magical dregs of the time travel spell to wear off yet.

"This! This right here is why you should stick to science!" Clark shot back. "If I ever catch you playing with magic again--"

"--after we get back home first--" Lex amended.

"--I am going to hang you by your heels over a pack of Lex-girls and watch them tear off your clothing in strips!" Clark vowed in earnest.

"Really?" Lex said in poorly-concealed interest.

"And laugh about it!"

"Oh."

They both managed to make a quick right turn at a large boulder, a maneuver that the pack of dinosaurs were not able to similarly pull off, and the lot of them slipped and slid into the mud at the base of the river and fell right into the raging rapids. Poor things.

"God, I hope we didn't just kill something important," Clark mourned, watching the drowning reptiles get carried downriver, and then looking back up the trail at the destroyed foliage of the prehistoric jungle.

Lex leaned over, hands on his knees and panting for breath when he spotted something.

"Hey, is that mandrake root?"

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hate you so much," Clark said grumpily, edging away from another giant bug.

"...Are you sure we're at the right time?" Lex asked again, doubtfully. This wasn't the present-day he knew and enjoyed enacting villainous schemes in.

"God, Lex! --Yes, ok?! A thousand times yes! I've checked the alignment of the stars viewable from Earth about ten times now, and they haven't changed much in the last fifteen minutes!"

"And how exactly are we both still alive?" Lex asked, feeling uncomfortable under the stares of multiple pairs of compound eyes from the rather large groups of man-sized and fully-clothed (well, it looked like clothing) cockroach-like creatures.

"What, you mean why haven't you blinked out of existence or immediately morphed into a human-bug, and how come I'm still standing next to you instead of locked away in a bug-military-research-lab because there's no way I could've grown up here fitting in as 'normal'? Besides time travel making no sense whatsoever? I don't know. Maybe ask Brainiac 5 if he ever shows up to rescue us. If the Legion exists in the 31'st century anymore." Clark grimaced.

"Hmm," said Lex. "I'm not sure if I'd trust a Brainiac of any number, if one did show up." The bald ex-billionaire thought about it for a moment. "Even if it did look like a bug," he added.

"I knew I should've saved those velociraptors," muttered Clark.

"...Sooooo, Clark."

"What."

"Well, I've been thinking."

"Always a bad idea," Clark said darkly, crossing his arms and hunching inwards slightly.

Lex decided to be the bigger man and ignore that snide remark. Instead, he continued: "Since we're both the last men on Earth..."

There was a long pause. Then:

"Not in front of the bugs."

~*~*~*~*~*~


End file.
